Monitoring Genetic Disorders In Utero

"Barely a zygote!"  That's how I described my Church Plant update to the Annual Leadership Conference last weekend.  But even as early as the next step of "conception," I desire to partner with God's mysterious shaping of "The Well" and receive all of the DNA desired and required to be viable postpartum.

Just as an ultrasound detects signs of healthy fetal development, I'm listening carefully for certain signs for myself at this early stage.  And I am concerned, as well as watchful.  I need to practice healthy rhythm of work and Sabbath, be intentional for my ongoing Spiritual Formation (Discipleship), and craft a Missional Lifestyle.  These are my reflections of just the first, and hope to process the other two in some future blog entries.

I felt convicted by violating my boundaries, and delaying Sabbath this last week.   A funeral Tues. evening, long drives to and from SoCal for the conference, quality time with my daughter Ari and my aging parents, presence, engagement, and mutual encouragement with carpool buddy, Royce, preach Sunday next morning, and lastly we held a "Caregiver Forum" after worship service--I totally bent out my boundaries.  As with the "original sin" of Adam and Eve, I rebelled against the built-in boundaries of what was forbidden, and I paid the price.  This inhuman way to live disfigured God's image in me and rendered me a bit inhumane towards myself and my family.  Thomas Merton describes my busyness, overcommitment, hyperactivity as "doing violence to the soul."

But there is grace & mercy, and on the Monday after (this last Mon.) I spent the day alone for the most part with the Lord in journaling, prayer and reflection in what has become our Sacred Space at my current church.  Alone in His presence my "Daily Office" brought me to Hebrews 5:7-8.

During the days of Jesus' life on earth, he offered up prayers and petitions with loud cries and tears to the one who could save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverent submission. Although he was a son, he learned obedience from what he suffered. . .

As with each Daily Office I began with solitude, silence and listening.  Yet I had to wrestle awhile to empty myself of a legion of thoughts and feelings.  I sat with arms out offering them to Him.  But it didn't feel right; it felt like the "correct" thing to do.  This time it felt sterile, devoid of relationship.  So I just lay down and curled up in the proverbial "fetal position" in the second row. Simply being intimate and resting in my Heavenly Father's arms resurrected my weary and wrecked soul.  However, the most live giving treasure was to be close to Him without being measured, accused, shamed, or evaluated.  It was a mutual delight, just as my heart thrills when my children freely come to me with their need or to simply be together.  Echoing within me was the song by Kate Miner called "Carry Me."  And "carry me" He did!  Not sleepy, but spiritually alert to His nearness, my soul rested deeply for almost an hour.

From that place of unconditional love, I arose enlivened.  However, darker feelings of insecurity, rejection, feeling devalued, measured merely by outward ministry achievements surfaced.  I was unaware of the effect of the week till then.  That's when His presence and Jesus' example in this passage began to touch and transform these emotions into praise.  I wailed (the meaning of "loud cries"), wept, mourned, grieved, prayed and petitioned from a deep place.  I took the posture of "reverent submission" to all He allows in my life, even darker, hurtful experiences.  By His grace and mercy He resynchronized my heart toward "learning obedience."

My heart needed to be treated, and rhythm restored.

According to the Mayo Clinic (3rd par.), "Heart arrhythmia treatment can often control or eliminate irregular heartbeats. In addition, because troublesome heart arrhythmias are often made worse — or are even caused — by a weak or damaged heart, you may be able to reduce your arrhythmia risk by adopting a heart-healthy lifestyle." http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/heart-arrhythmia/basics/definition/con-20027707

So glad the Great Physician, Creator, and Father are crafting and restoring healthy DNA.  I and the peoples of "The Well" will surely need it for development and viability at every stage.  We are, indeed, "fearfully and wonderfully made (see Ps. 139)."