It's been exactly 4 weeks to the day since formally beginning the church planting process, just one month of the first trimester. If my ad nauseam metaphor of pregnancy is getting nauseating, just be glad you're not experiencing "morning sickness!" But maybe I am!
This is Labor Day weekend, but the "labor and delivery" of our church, the birth of The Well, seems very far off. Most first-time parents don't even know that they're expecting this early on in a pregnancy. Thus, ultrasounds haven't even been taken yet. But if they were, a collaboration between the American Institute of Ultrasound Medicine, John Hopkins, March of Dimes, and Parents Magazine will show that the embryo is undetectable. All that could be seen is the forming of a gestational sac, a kind of "womb within a womb" to protect the embryo that's just the size of a pin point. The cells of the sac will soon differentiate to form the placenta, amniotic sac, and eventually some of the cells will form muscles and skin, etc. Not until the following week 5 will a very faint heart be detected. Next week cells begin to form the heart and the central nervous system! Talk about being fearfully and wonderfully made in our mother's womb (Ps. 139).
For actual sonograms and details of week 4 pregnancy see article in Parents Magazine by Kristen J. Gough
After each announcement of a new baby on the way, Christine and I would always get a funny response from our friends that got more intense as babies kept coming. That response was either an explicit question or just a quizzical look that asked, "was this one planned?" I can honestly say for this pregnancy a resounding YES and NO. No, Christine and I were not planning on planting a church when the conference leaders recommended it, but Yes we have felt from the beginning that this was in the mind and heart of our Heavenly Father for some time. Like physical life, the spiritual life of a new people, a new church, there just is this undeniable mystery that must simply be received whether we had planned for it or not.
Our Well community is mid-way through a 21 day fast to consecrate and cleanse ourselves, and gain clarity as we embark on this process. I had anticipated and shared with our group that often times when we fast and pray temptations, attachments, things that have a grip in our souls begin to surface. And for myself an ongoing, looming temptation has surfaced during this time of fasting. It is the temptation to "genetically modify," tamper, control this mystery in utero. It's one thing to be responsible, monitor progress, cultivate healthy diet, exercise, rest, etc., but it's quite another to force the pace and development of what God is doing.
The awareness of this temptation has deepened my patience and reliance in pray to the One who's hands are intimately involved creating and forming our community. The temptation comes in the form of anxieties, as well as navigating diverse expectations people have of what a "typical" church plant should look like, what things should happen and when. He will indeed complete the work which He has begun in us.
And one point of clarity I believe He has given me is this: "Do not short-circuit what He's doing during the entire 21 days of fasting and prayer." That includes forming a core team (which I am now renaming as a "huddle"), solidifying an intercessory prayer team, etc. There's no circumventing "waiting," but there is a way of waiting that is fruitful and productive--wait on the Lord, stated another way, is to stay attentive to His presence. Like Joshua, I intend to stay at the tent of meeting communing with the Lord. When He moves, we move. When He stays we stay. The great mystery is that God would actually dwell in our camp, in our community, in my life, indeed birth His Spirit and life-giving water deep within--sounds like a "womb within a womb!"
And soon and very soon the heart and nervous system will be well formed; O, for our heart to beat with His life's blood, and for our nervous system to respond to His signals and impulses alone. Though we be unformed, small as a pinpoint, undifferentiated, even undetectable by some measures we wait in worship and awe because. . . week 5 is coming!
Friday, August 29, 2014
Wednesday, June 11, 2014
Monitoring Genetic Disorders In Utero
"Barely a zygote!" That's how I described my Church Plant update to the Annual Leadership Conference last weekend. But even as early as the next step of "conception," I desire to partner with God's mysterious shaping of "The Well" and receive all of the DNA desired and required to be viable postpartum.
Just as an ultrasound detects signs of healthy fetal development, I'm listening carefully for certain signs for myself at this early stage. And I am concerned, as well as watchful. I need to practice healthy rhythm of work and Sabbath, be intentional for my ongoing Spiritual Formation (Discipleship), and craft a Missional Lifestyle. These are my reflections of just the first, and hope to process the other two in some future blog entries.
I felt convicted by violating my boundaries, and delaying Sabbath this last week. A funeral Tues. evening, long drives to and from SoCal for the conference, quality time with my daughter Ari and my aging parents, presence, engagement, and mutual encouragement with carpool buddy, Royce, preach Sunday next morning, and lastly we held a "Caregiver Forum" after worship service--I totally bent out my boundaries. As with the "original sin" of Adam and Eve, I rebelled against the built-in boundaries of what was forbidden, and I paid the price. This inhuman way to live disfigured God's image in me and rendered me a bit inhumane towards myself and my family. Thomas Merton describes my busyness, overcommitment, hyperactivity as "doing violence to the soul."
But there is grace & mercy, and on the Monday after (this last Mon.) I spent the day alone for the most part with the Lord in journaling, prayer and reflection in what has become our Sacred Space at my current church. Alone in His presence my "Daily Office" brought me to Hebrews 5:7-8.
During the days of Jesus' life on earth, he offered up prayers and petitions with loud cries and tears to the one who could save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverent submission. Although he was a son, he learned obedience from what he suffered. . .
As with each Daily Office I began with solitude, silence and listening. Yet I had to wrestle awhile to empty myself of a legion of thoughts and feelings. I sat with arms out offering them to Him. But it didn't feel right; it felt like the "correct" thing to do. This time it felt sterile, devoid of relationship. So I just lay down and curled up in the proverbial "fetal position" in the second row. Simply being intimate and resting in my Heavenly Father's arms resurrected my weary and wrecked soul. However, the most live giving treasure was to be close to Him without being measured, accused, shamed, or evaluated. It was a mutual delight, just as my heart thrills when my children freely come to me with their need or to simply be together. Echoing within me was the song by Kate Miner called "Carry Me." And "carry me" He did! Not sleepy, but spiritually alert to His nearness, my soul rested deeply for almost an hour.
From that place of unconditional love, I arose enlivened. However, darker feelings of insecurity, rejection, feeling devalued, measured merely by outward ministry achievements surfaced. I was unaware of the effect of the week till then. That's when His presence and Jesus' example in this passage began to touch and transform these emotions into praise. I wailed (the meaning of "loud cries"), wept, mourned, grieved, prayed and petitioned from a deep place. I took the posture of "reverent submission" to all He allows in my life, even darker, hurtful experiences. By His grace and mercy He resynchronized my heart toward "learning obedience."
My heart needed to be treated, and rhythm restored.
According to the Mayo Clinic (3rd par.), "Heart arrhythmia treatment can often control or eliminate irregular heartbeats. In addition, because troublesome heart arrhythmias are often made worse — or are even caused — by a weak or damaged heart, you may be able to reduce your arrhythmia risk by adopting a heart-healthy lifestyle." http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/heart-arrhythmia/basics/definition/con-20027707
So glad the Great Physician, Creator, and Father are crafting and restoring healthy DNA. I and the peoples of "The Well" will surely need it for development and viability at every stage. We are, indeed, "fearfully and wonderfully made (see Ps. 139)."
Just as an ultrasound detects signs of healthy fetal development, I'm listening carefully for certain signs for myself at this early stage. And I am concerned, as well as watchful. I need to practice healthy rhythm of work and Sabbath, be intentional for my ongoing Spiritual Formation (Discipleship), and craft a Missional Lifestyle. These are my reflections of just the first, and hope to process the other two in some future blog entries.
I felt convicted by violating my boundaries, and delaying Sabbath this last week. A funeral Tues. evening, long drives to and from SoCal for the conference, quality time with my daughter Ari and my aging parents, presence, engagement, and mutual encouragement with carpool buddy, Royce, preach Sunday next morning, and lastly we held a "Caregiver Forum" after worship service--I totally bent out my boundaries. As with the "original sin" of Adam and Eve, I rebelled against the built-in boundaries of what was forbidden, and I paid the price. This inhuman way to live disfigured God's image in me and rendered me a bit inhumane towards myself and my family. Thomas Merton describes my busyness, overcommitment, hyperactivity as "doing violence to the soul."
But there is grace & mercy, and on the Monday after (this last Mon.) I spent the day alone for the most part with the Lord in journaling, prayer and reflection in what has become our Sacred Space at my current church. Alone in His presence my "Daily Office" brought me to Hebrews 5:7-8.
During the days of Jesus' life on earth, he offered up prayers and petitions with loud cries and tears to the one who could save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverent submission. Although he was a son, he learned obedience from what he suffered. . .
As with each Daily Office I began with solitude, silence and listening. Yet I had to wrestle awhile to empty myself of a legion of thoughts and feelings. I sat with arms out offering them to Him. But it didn't feel right; it felt like the "correct" thing to do. This time it felt sterile, devoid of relationship. So I just lay down and curled up in the proverbial "fetal position" in the second row. Simply being intimate and resting in my Heavenly Father's arms resurrected my weary and wrecked soul. However, the most live giving treasure was to be close to Him without being measured, accused, shamed, or evaluated. It was a mutual delight, just as my heart thrills when my children freely come to me with their need or to simply be together. Echoing within me was the song by Kate Miner called "Carry Me." And "carry me" He did! Not sleepy, but spiritually alert to His nearness, my soul rested deeply for almost an hour.
From that place of unconditional love, I arose enlivened. However, darker feelings of insecurity, rejection, feeling devalued, measured merely by outward ministry achievements surfaced. I was unaware of the effect of the week till then. That's when His presence and Jesus' example in this passage began to touch and transform these emotions into praise. I wailed (the meaning of "loud cries"), wept, mourned, grieved, prayed and petitioned from a deep place. I took the posture of "reverent submission" to all He allows in my life, even darker, hurtful experiences. By His grace and mercy He resynchronized my heart toward "learning obedience."
My heart needed to be treated, and rhythm restored.
According to the Mayo Clinic (3rd par.), "Heart arrhythmia treatment can often control or eliminate irregular heartbeats. In addition, because troublesome heart arrhythmias are often made worse — or are even caused — by a weak or damaged heart, you may be able to reduce your arrhythmia risk by adopting a heart-healthy lifestyle." http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/heart-arrhythmia/basics/definition/con-20027707
So glad the Great Physician, Creator, and Father are crafting and restoring healthy DNA. I and the peoples of "The Well" will surely need it for development and viability at every stage. We are, indeed, "fearfully and wonderfully made (see Ps. 139)."
Friday, May 30, 2014
A "Big Gulp" or Many Tiny Sips?
With 2 months to go I will officially begin the process of planting a church. Life's busy. I'm no exception in that the urgencies of life regularly overtake, sometimes dominate, the "one thing" that Jesus commended Mary for as she sat at His feet, hanging upon His every word (see Luke 10:38-40). O how I need to sit and soak in God's presence, each day, many times a day, to stay connected to Him throughout my day.
During these last 3 months I enjoyed the practice of the "Daily Office," (see Peter Scazzero's EHS resources) at least twice a day. The "Office," an ancient spiritual discipline of set times to be in God's presence, comes from opus in Latin. This suggests that to simply be with Him is our primary occupation. David did, Daniel did, the Jews of Jesus' day did, the Lord did, and long after Him the Dessert Fathers did. Yet, so rarely do we pattern our lives after the way Jesus actually lived. These times reflected the value that He placed on continual and intimate relationship with His "Abba" (roughly trans. "Papa" in Aramaic). This bond was so close that the Perfect Son would do only what the Father was doing, and say only what the Father was saying throughout each day. It really was Jesus' primary occupation. And here I thought my occupation was as a Pastor, and soon-to-be Church Planter! For Jesus such times were like regular drinks of water in a spiritually dry land.
I've been dehydrated lately forgetting to drink, both physically and spiritually. I realize that an addiction to compulsive activity driven by duty, obligation, anxiety, unhealthy expectations, a "false-self" actually dulls my thirst. Then after far too long my parched soul drives me to take a 7- Eleven "Big Gulp" sized drink for neglecting the daily recommended 8 glasses of 8 oz. a day. My extended times in God's presence are also needed, and deeply satisfying--don't get me wrong-- but it doesn't make up for the many smaller cups of living water I need throughout each day.
This is core DNA for myself, my household, and the church plant. In fact, it's part of my first draft Church Plant Mission Statement: "drink deeply to be transformed in His presence." I'm reminded of the difference between aspired values and real values--and the test is seen in what I actually practice.
Ironically, it's in the solitude, silence and prayer of Daily Office that I get in touch with my real thirst. Yet, currently my needed set times with God are being severely tested. I see this as an opportunity to grow deeper in this transition, to establish a habitual practice, to be a guardian of the Church Plant values. But more importantly, as it says in Psalm 63:3a, "Because your love is better than life."
During these last 3 months I enjoyed the practice of the "Daily Office," (see Peter Scazzero's EHS resources) at least twice a day. The "Office," an ancient spiritual discipline of set times to be in God's presence, comes from opus in Latin. This suggests that to simply be with Him is our primary occupation. David did, Daniel did, the Jews of Jesus' day did, the Lord did, and long after Him the Dessert Fathers did. Yet, so rarely do we pattern our lives after the way Jesus actually lived. These times reflected the value that He placed on continual and intimate relationship with His "Abba" (roughly trans. "Papa" in Aramaic). This bond was so close that the Perfect Son would do only what the Father was doing, and say only what the Father was saying throughout each day. It really was Jesus' primary occupation. And here I thought my occupation was as a Pastor, and soon-to-be Church Planter! For Jesus such times were like regular drinks of water in a spiritually dry land.
I've been dehydrated lately forgetting to drink, both physically and spiritually. I realize that an addiction to compulsive activity driven by duty, obligation, anxiety, unhealthy expectations, a "false-self" actually dulls my thirst. Then after far too long my parched soul drives me to take a 7- Eleven "Big Gulp" sized drink for neglecting the daily recommended 8 glasses of 8 oz. a day. My extended times in God's presence are also needed, and deeply satisfying--don't get me wrong-- but it doesn't make up for the many smaller cups of living water I need throughout each day.
This is core DNA for myself, my household, and the church plant. In fact, it's part of my first draft Church Plant Mission Statement: "drink deeply to be transformed in His presence." I'm reminded of the difference between aspired values and real values--and the test is seen in what I actually practice.
Ironically, it's in the solitude, silence and prayer of Daily Office that I get in touch with my real thirst. Yet, currently my needed set times with God are being severely tested. I see this as an opportunity to grow deeper in this transition, to establish a habitual practice, to be a guardian of the Church Plant values. But more importantly, as it says in Psalm 63:3a, "Because your love is better than life."
"O God, you are my God,
earnestly I seek you;
my soul thirsts for you,
my body longs for you,
in a dry and weary land
where there is no water."
Ps. 63:1
On my Journey to the Well, I will have to take many sips each day, because waiting for the "Big Gulp" once in a long while will not sustain me for the long haul.
Please comment and tell me how you hydrate your soul--would love to hear from you!
Wednesday, May 21, 2014
Dying of Thirst
It's been just less than 2 months since I have been recommended and approved by my Free Methodist Church Conference Board as a Church Planter. The decision came on April 1st, "no foolin!" I've been running ever since.
Within this time span I've been sprinting, sometimes jogging, through several hurdles and milestones. The current church that I pastor, (PFMC) Peninsula Free Methodist Church, has been wrapping up the (EHS) Emotionally Healthy Spirituality Church-wide initiative, and at the same time, we've settled into our new worship space--the Koinonia Room, a smaller, more intimate, sacred space. Then Easter arrived, a kinda big day for us "ministry-types." The "Plan A" after Easter was to be the next phase of EHS, but, alas, the redesignation as a church planter by August 1st changed everything! The leaders and I have discerned that this transition season should be marked by "Restoring A Living Legacy," a focus that both the "Stay-Church," as well the "Away-Church," could share and build upon. Still figuring out what this "Plan B" really looks like.
Our dear Seiko Miyake, the eldest living member, had recently passed away shortly before Mother's Day. She almost made it to her 99th birthday in July. An annual picnic at Huddart Park was already on the calendar of the 55+ Sr. Fellowship. Instead we've had to say, goodbye at recent a wake and prep for an upcoming memorial service. Although she herself had no children, she was indeed a spiritual mother to our whole church. And as I'm finding out, Peninsula has been very much her family these many decades.
In between Seiko's wake and upcoming memorial service I've had to prepare to speak at my former church's family camp held this last weekend. It felt like coming home by the fact that it was held at the familiar Redwood Christian Camp (you know, the camp known for the scaled-down Noah's Ark), where our Conference Family Camp goes every year. But the real reason it felt like home was because of the many friends and family we share. In fact, Christine and I were at Christian Layman Church twice. The first time was during our days (the late 80's) at UCB, New College, AACF (Asian American Christian Fellowship), and also our courtship days, and the second time, we served years later (2000 to 05') as a Pastor with our family of only seven at the time (Bella not born yet). Fortunately for me, the theme was on Missional Living, which I've been pursuing for years, but zealously so as of late as the church plant is now on the horizon.
Meanwhile, the conference leaders are helping me plot out a growing list of Church Plant "to do's," each one timely and important. However, my priority right now is really finishing well at PFMC.
This run to the finish line, or at least this current leg of my spiritual race, leaves me drained and almost spent. Dehydrated, at the least, it'd be so welcome if someone were to pop-out of the bushes, splash water in my face, and hand me a dixie cupful as I hit the wall! I'm no marathoner, but I could have used a "camel pack" full of water in joining my friend, pastor, and avid runner, Royce in the Berkeley hills recently; he "drove me" for 8 miles, the longest I've ever run in my life!
By God's grace, I've been learning to fuel myself for the long-haul. After going to the fount of the EHS at Peter and Geri Scazerro's church, New Hope Fellowship in Queens, NY last May, the Lord was preparing me for a much needed Sabbatical that summer.
For years I've regularly set aside weekly an hour for reflection, prayer, and journaling, and carve out yearly around a week for a study and prayer retreat. However, these sometimes random, unfocused times in the past have now been brought to a coherent process, along with a few clear and accessible practices. Not that my past times of getting away to be with God were unfruitful--quite the contrary--the've been absolutely vital. But for this season it's been a matter of life and death.
Perhaps it's been the difficulties, challenges and losses particularly acute during the last 5 years of ministry that has driven me to drink deeply from God's Living Water. Or perhaps the cultivating of emotional health, often relegated to expert therapists, COMBINED WITH spiritual practices of the Dessert Fathers that has drenched my parched soul.
I am convinced now more than ever that a rhythm of solitude, silence, contemplative prayer in God's presence must offset the active side of ministry. It's the difference-maker between being ministry "road-kill" and finishing the race. I know that I have been spared of merely being a cautionary tale by His mercy alone. I now have the opportunity to deepen my life in Christ, so that He can broaden my ministry into Missional Community. And this will be critical DNA for the church plant. And in fact, it'll be reflected in the church's name: "The People of The Well" or maybe simply "The Well." Christine, my dear wife, thinks the "People of the. . ." sounds too much like a cult! But I assured her that we won't make people drink our punch or live in our compound in the hills. But drinking from God as the sole source of Living Water is a must!
Within this time span I've been sprinting, sometimes jogging, through several hurdles and milestones. The current church that I pastor, (PFMC) Peninsula Free Methodist Church, has been wrapping up the (EHS) Emotionally Healthy Spirituality Church-wide initiative, and at the same time, we've settled into our new worship space--the Koinonia Room, a smaller, more intimate, sacred space. Then Easter arrived, a kinda big day for us "ministry-types." The "Plan A" after Easter was to be the next phase of EHS, but, alas, the redesignation as a church planter by August 1st changed everything! The leaders and I have discerned that this transition season should be marked by "Restoring A Living Legacy," a focus that both the "Stay-Church," as well the "Away-Church," could share and build upon. Still figuring out what this "Plan B" really looks like.
Our dear Seiko Miyake, the eldest living member, had recently passed away shortly before Mother's Day. She almost made it to her 99th birthday in July. An annual picnic at Huddart Park was already on the calendar of the 55+ Sr. Fellowship. Instead we've had to say, goodbye at recent a wake and prep for an upcoming memorial service. Although she herself had no children, she was indeed a spiritual mother to our whole church. And as I'm finding out, Peninsula has been very much her family these many decades.
In between Seiko's wake and upcoming memorial service I've had to prepare to speak at my former church's family camp held this last weekend. It felt like coming home by the fact that it was held at the familiar Redwood Christian Camp (you know, the camp known for the scaled-down Noah's Ark), where our Conference Family Camp goes every year. But the real reason it felt like home was because of the many friends and family we share. In fact, Christine and I were at Christian Layman Church twice. The first time was during our days (the late 80's) at UCB, New College, AACF (Asian American Christian Fellowship), and also our courtship days, and the second time, we served years later (2000 to 05') as a Pastor with our family of only seven at the time (Bella not born yet). Fortunately for me, the theme was on Missional Living, which I've been pursuing for years, but zealously so as of late as the church plant is now on the horizon.
Meanwhile, the conference leaders are helping me plot out a growing list of Church Plant "to do's," each one timely and important. However, my priority right now is really finishing well at PFMC.
This run to the finish line, or at least this current leg of my spiritual race, leaves me drained and almost spent. Dehydrated, at the least, it'd be so welcome if someone were to pop-out of the bushes, splash water in my face, and hand me a dixie cupful as I hit the wall! I'm no marathoner, but I could have used a "camel pack" full of water in joining my friend, pastor, and avid runner, Royce in the Berkeley hills recently; he "drove me" for 8 miles, the longest I've ever run in my life!
By God's grace, I've been learning to fuel myself for the long-haul. After going to the fount of the EHS at Peter and Geri Scazerro's church, New Hope Fellowship in Queens, NY last May, the Lord was preparing me for a much needed Sabbatical that summer.
For years I've regularly set aside weekly an hour for reflection, prayer, and journaling, and carve out yearly around a week for a study and prayer retreat. However, these sometimes random, unfocused times in the past have now been brought to a coherent process, along with a few clear and accessible practices. Not that my past times of getting away to be with God were unfruitful--quite the contrary--the've been absolutely vital. But for this season it's been a matter of life and death.
Perhaps it's been the difficulties, challenges and losses particularly acute during the last 5 years of ministry that has driven me to drink deeply from God's Living Water. Or perhaps the cultivating of emotional health, often relegated to expert therapists, COMBINED WITH spiritual practices of the Dessert Fathers that has drenched my parched soul.
I am convinced now more than ever that a rhythm of solitude, silence, contemplative prayer in God's presence must offset the active side of ministry. It's the difference-maker between being ministry "road-kill" and finishing the race. I know that I have been spared of merely being a cautionary tale by His mercy alone. I now have the opportunity to deepen my life in Christ, so that He can broaden my ministry into Missional Community. And this will be critical DNA for the church plant. And in fact, it'll be reflected in the church's name: "The People of The Well" or maybe simply "The Well." Christine, my dear wife, thinks the "People of the. . ." sounds too much like a cult! But I assured her that we won't make people drink our punch or live in our compound in the hills. But drinking from God as the sole source of Living Water is a must!
Jeremiah
17:13 (ESV)
O Lord, the hope of Israel,
all who forsake you shall be put to shame; those who turn away from you shall
be written in the earth (read "Road-kill" here, add. mine), for they have forsaken the Lord, the fountain of
living water.
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